I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
