Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
