just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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