we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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