and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
operation harelip BJ is a go
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
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I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
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Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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