guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
