I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
