Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
