I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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