I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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