I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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