Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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