he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
