If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
