he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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