I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
