like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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