my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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