just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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