you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
