it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
