We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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