it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
