its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I currently don't understand fingers.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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