New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
