I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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