You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
as a side note pls kill me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize