She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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