I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
