look no pants
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
