I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
