So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
