I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
