I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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