I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
