I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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