Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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