Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize