Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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