i already hear my dad disowning me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
