I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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