a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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