six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
