Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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