dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
