Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
