and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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