I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
