she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
