He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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