he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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