You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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