I am in a vortex of obligation.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
