I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
