I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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