There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
