im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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