Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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