(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
