We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
