Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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