You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
