stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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