I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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