I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
