just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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